02.06.2006, 10:08 am - cam
How to Drive Your Human Crazy in the Bathroom: A Cat's Guide to a Fun and Entertaining Morning
by Luna, Sya, Molly, Sybil, Zach, Trevor, Mischa and MemeFirst, everyone must crowd into the bathroom, no matter how small. Division of labor means less work and more fun for everyone! This is not to imply that this guide cannot be used by single cats; they can have just as much morning fun by following these simple tips.
1. The sink is very interesting. Sit in it or directly in front of it, especially when your human is brushing his or her teeth. (Watch out for toothpaste dribbles! That stuff is hard to get out of fur, and tastes gross.)
2. The water in your bowl is old. Let your human know (as loudly as possible; it's early, and he or she is probably still a little sleepy and out-of-it) that you require fresh water. Now.
3. (For multi-cat homes) Once you acquire fresh water, fight over it.
4. Drag the water bowl around with your front paws. Be sure to slosh as much as possible onto the floor. If possible, just overturn the whole thing.
5. Sit on the toilet lid. When your human attempts to move you so that he or she can use the bathroom, complain loudly. If you think you can get away with it, a good swat or nip on the hand is also helpful.
6. Who has the "whiny" voice? You know who you are. Yes, dear, we know... the humans have never appreciated your singing talents. First thing in the morning is an excellent time for a music appreciation lesson.
7. A robe hung on the back of the bathroom door is loads of fun to swing on. Pull it off in the floor if possible. Double points if you can knock it into the aforementioned water bowl.
8. Dental floss is just as much fun as yarn to play with, especially when it's swinging from an open human mouth as he or she flosses.
9. Make-up is loads of fun, as it is comprised largely of little brushes, sponges, pencils and other cat-sized objects. Knock these into the floor (out of reach under the sink, if possible) or carry them off and hide them somewhere your human won't find them until spring cleaning.
10. Fall into the shower. Yes, we know, this requires a great deal of courage, and we certainly don't recommend you use this one every day. Every once in awhile, though, take one for the team. "Slip" and fall in the shower. Scrabble around madly to get out as quickly as possible, but be sure to get those paws wet. Then find a nice, warm spot to dry off. A pile of clothes your human has set out for work that morning are ideal, but a nice wet spot on the bed, sofa, or office chair is also acceptable.
** Extra points for those cats unfortunate enough to share their homes with canines:
Sneak downstairs to the kitchen. See that roll of paper towels on the counter? Your puppy pal will love it. Help him out by knocking it onto the floor, where he can reach it. Run back upstairs, settle yourself into a comfy spot, and wait for your human to discover the destruction.
Tags: cats
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